It’s been one month. One month since my birthday, one month since I was holed up in a Boston hotel room because of a flight cancellation, one month since I left for my first-ever trip to Iceland for work and the solstice sun never set.
One month ago, I was absolutely determined to start a podcast. I actually recorded the first full episode. My subjects would be optimism, open possibilities, and knowing that anything you could possibly dream is still and always right there at your fingertips to accomplish.
All this impromptu time alone to think, plan and prepare seemed excellent. And then it wasn’t. I’m extremely grateful for all the meditation and journaling I’ve been able to embrace this year, but all that time looking inside yourself WILL give you results, even if they ain’t the results you were seeking.
I’ll be honest. I’m a wildly optimistic person and perhaps a little too open to all the various possibilities in this world and life. I’ll up and go, or try something new, without a moment’s notice. But what I’m NOT doing is acting on all of my dreams and life-long inspirations, even the little every day ones. I’m not being the person I say I am, and the person I want to empower you to be. Shall we start the podcast from there?
Did you plan to live other places? Did having a family surprise you? Is your career everything you intended? Have you and your spouse really connected lately? Did you know that money was going to have the affect that it does on your life? When was the last time you wrote a letter by hand? Did you ever learn French or finish that project you were so excited about?
Of course we can’t fit everything into one life… there is bound to be some give and take, some things that push or pull you in directions you hadn’t even known to dream of. The key is to stay true to yourself, even as that self is evolving.
In our own little ways, I think we all have the right to experience a mid-life crisis (or quarter-life crises, or any time we want!). I’m certainly not in “crisis” right now, but I’m shaken. For years – or maybe my whole life – I’ve built up distractions. I’ve been busy, SO BUSY. Busy enough not to address some of my own needs or dreams.
Over the past month, though, I’ve completely stopped my compulsive need for taking in content (podcasts, business books, mindfulness work), and I’ve halted both of the newsletters I send out. I’m testing my ability to say no to plans with friends, potential clients… no to squeezing things into every moment of the day. I catch myself staring into space, often even without thought. I’m still busy because life continues to run in the background, but I’m here on a different level.
In fact, I shouldn’t say I’m consuming zero content, because I’ve been hearing new lyrics in songs I’ve been listening to for years. I’m reading novels, which I never do, and finding immense poetry within them.
In a weird way it feels good, healthy, alive. Stay tuned, because maybe that podcast is still coming after all…